Nothing
I am a teen who seems to have mature early to handle such hurdles in life. I have been keeping a secret from my mother ever since I was in Grade 4 just to keep on to the delusion of having a complete and happy family. I have been concealing my own feelings in front of my friends just to remain my own personality which was being a jolly and happy-go-lucky person.
Each year was a test of my patience and my emotional strength, until I reached the 9th grade, My jolly and happy going personality began to lose at grade 9. I would go berserk at my own parents and would be easily irritated with simple things, such as asking me to repeat what I have said, or running through an errand. I was threatened with harsh words and madness just for having meltdowns or not understanding what was expected of me, and eventually becoming angry and depressed enough to lash out. These all changed when I met one of my classmates, the only person who unintentionally stopped my suicidal thoughts.
We were struggling big time, not until someone fixed my books that were scattered on the floor, and helped me fix my chair. He was someone who I just met; he wears the usual poker face, as if nothing is going in his mind as he was helping me. He didn’t even utter a single word. But the silence is a contradictory of how that started a friendship that made my whole world turn upside down. As days passed, we became closer to each other up to the point that my day wouldn’t be complete without talking to him.
There were memories that I just want to remember forever like how we were just started talking then we did not notice that it was already near dawn, so we decided to sleep after 11:11 where we wished everything we wanted. I laughed at how we didn’t notice the time, I mean, we literally talked the whole day, and it was really a lightweight inside my heart how we think similarly. He replied with, “I agree, it’s like I saw my long-lost sister.” That started EVERYTHING. But sometimes I do get scared
I was definitely leaving too soon, I suppose. June 26, I was supposed to end my one and only life. I was sobbing in secret at my room, holding on to a blade with no one to talk to. As I was about to slice through my flesh, my messenger beeped to report that I have a message from someone. That halted my action and to my surprise, it was from him. He didn’t know what I was about to do. He just knew that I have been going through a problem and he must comfort me, to which he did. I guess Faith was telling me that I am already with someone that would be with me through every hurdle I would be encountering. Faith was telling that there were a lot of chances that we could get to know each other earlier but we didn’t grab into it, so why waste it today.
On October 03, 2017, we had a chat about trust issues. We talked about what if we would treat each other as strangers and never talk like we used to do? It was a serious conversation that I cried just thinking about it. But what he said really motivated me to do everything I can to maintain our friendship for a lifetime. Maybe it wasn’t only this year where I got to meet him, I never thought I could be attached to the point that it would be so hard to let go. But I can never, ever change my past, it already happened anyway. All I can do is make the best out of today, let go, and keep moving on.
One of the memorable days of my life would probably be his day, October 15, 2017, it was intramurals, we usually don’t spend the day in school together but since it was already an opportunity given to us and it was his day, we spent the most out of it. We went to Fawaz and of course, we spent our day laughing, eating, doing stupid things like putting every single ingredient in one small cup. After that we took a photo together and promised that in every occasion, we should take a photo and each would have its own. I’m not the type of person who would easily be attached to someone especially now we are here in Saudi Arabia then soon leaving to continue our life in the Philippines.
Sometimes at my worst, he often says "Don't let anyone say to you that you are nothing because I know that you are someone in this world and you are important to me" and keeps me motivated throughout my day and my life no matter what happens. At my best he says, "There you go, let your smile out and flaunt it to the world and say that I’m okay." No matter how happy or how sad life gets, he makes me think that there is no problem in my life and he is the reason why I am still here in this world. Thanks to his supportive and motivating words I get to share this to you and to everyone that I am proud that I am still here standing and facing my problems in life, better than before.
Having the thought of meeting someone too late, and leaving too soon is probably the biggest regret in my life. But I believe in the quote, “It is never too late or too soon. It is when it is supposed to be.” I never said that we would part ways, because whatever happens we would be still what we are today. Grasp on the opportunity given to you because you’ll never know what would happen in the near future. Besides, a story wouldn’t be finished unless you choose to close the book. Life goes on, make the most out of it.
Today, I am living the best version of myself. I have turned my weaknesses to strengths, and for the very first time, I have decided to grasp to every opportunity that I could get. I have achieved a high honors award for the very first time during the second quarter. I am currently in a writing contest, and I have decided to join the Communication Leadership Training program, and actually excited for everything. The joy that I am feeling today is what defines me as of this moment. The depressed, problematic me is no longer there, nothing can stop me now. Nothing.
